Happy 50th Entryversary!

yes, it's true! although it has taken more than a year for this to happen, i’m proud to announce that my blog is now 50 entries old (fyi, it is the official measurement of a blog’s age.. haha). i’ve been thinking about what to write all day, and in the end (a few seconds ago), i finally decided to write about 50 people who has left a footprint in my life, made a difference or for simply being a part of it. so, in no particular order of importance, here it is.

1. ayah: for pushing me forward and always believing in me.
2. mama: for being the strongest person i know.
3. abang: for making me realize that “with great power comes great responsibility.”
4. nawwar: for always taking a stand.
5. apan: for making me realize that no matter what, family always comes first.
6. yani: for being my shoulder to cry on.
7. erin: for always having her own opinions.
8. sheera: for being able to see all the good things in a person.
9. jamsy: for having passion in everything she does.
10. kazar: for being true to himself.
11. mamid: for always being the life of the party.
12. faris: for reminding me that someone up there loves me.
13. budin: for knowing when not to say anything.
14. farhan: for making me believe in love.
15. syahmi: for being the unexpected person i can turn to.
16. anept: for making me believe in long distance relationships.
17. qiddin: for making me realize that “behind every cloud, there’s a silver lining”.
18. mars: for believing in her abilities.
19. zazo: for making me believe in hard work.
20. mysara: for introducing me to style and fashion.
21. lynn: for making me realize that different people handle things differently.
22. yana (pau): for always knowing the right things to say.
23. salina: for having all the energy in the world.
24. faiz: for giving me the insights into politics.
25. yamud: for having faith.
26. jaih: for making me realize that friends will always be able to forgive each other.
27. yaya: for being able to trust again.
28. jenny: for making me believe in multi-cultural malaysia.
29. nana: for reminding me to not judge a book by its cover.
30. atfy: for making me believe in platonic relationships.
31. sazlin aina: for reminding me to cherish our differences.
32. joe: for not taking life too seriously.
33. mohaz: for making me realize that it’s okay to admit that you’re wrong.
34. maisa: for making an effort to patch things up.
35. alan: for making me realise that there are always two sides of a coin.
36. ramen: for cheering me up when i’m down.
37. yana (kenit): for always making me feel loved.
38. atuk: for letting me know that experience is the best teacher.
39. yolanda: for being persistent.
40. diane: for making me believe in the chemistry between new friends.
41. dira: for making me realize the importance of confidence.
42. moyang: for making me realize the importance of our heritage.
43. faidzal: for being able to laugh at himself.
44. jack: for always making me feel remembered.
45. irwansyah: for being there when i was in one of the hardest time of my life.
46. amelia: for making me believe in friendship.
47. nazmi: for making me realize how hard it is to handle myself.
48. nik amir: for making me realize that there are a lot of ways to pursue what you love.
49. lini: for being one of the nicest person i’ve ever met.
50. hanis: for always being there.

disclaimer: this is by no means a comprehensive list. just because you’re not in, it doesn’t make you any less important. it just means that what i have to say about you can’t be expressed into words.

The Interpreter

it's amazing how one thing you say can be interpreted in so many different ways. that's probably okay if they're all positive, but sadly, not everyone tries to look on the bright side.

i never thought there would come a day when I will have to be really careful of the things i say to my friends. of course i realise that whenever you criticise something, you'd have to consider that other person's feelings. but knowing that people close to me will manipulate my words and actions to suit their perspective of life, and even themselves, i realise that regardless of how straightforward my statement is, there will always be someone who will interpret it according to their beliefs.

i see myself as someone who don't really know how to sugar coat my words. sometimes, what i say can come out quite harsh. i also believe that i am not the type of person who likes to beat around the bush because then, i wouldn't be able to understand myself. so, when i say something like, 'i've never considered you as more than a friend," please take it at face value and don't try to interpret it in any other way because regardless of how much you want to believe it, it's not true. there may be people out there who don't mean what they say, and there's nothing wrong with that. but rest assured, i'm not in that group.

if you have doubts about why i do what i do, and why i say what i say, please clarify with me whether it's true before you decide to label it as the right interpretation.

It's Broken

trust is not something you play with. and it's definitely not something you can take for granted. when i tell you something, with a verbal agreement to not let anyone else know, i expect you to hold that trust as closely to your heart as if you were guarding your own life. people say it takes months, or even years to gain a person's trust, but only a few minutes, or even seconds to lose it. i am disappointed by the fact that today i have lost the ability to trust a person and it will take a long time before i can do it again, if ever.

the circle of trust has been broken.

It Was Great!

thank you to all my friends, those whom i've known all my life and those whom i've met along the way, for helping me out in making this year's malam gema merdeka one of the best memories i will ever have in sydney. i am touched by the spirit everyone showed during the nights nearing the event. your commitment and cooperation is something i rarely see and it was great working with all of you. i guess what people is true, "when in adversity, people will always stand by each other." sorry for anything i've said which may have hurt your feelings, for any feelings which may be too obvious on my face or for anything i've done which may have made you feel unimportant. i will forever remember what all of you have said and done; comforting me when i was really stressed out, offering to take the burden of my shoulders when there were way too much to carry and of course, for simply understanding.

although i had doubts about the end result, but as yamud said to me during one of those crazy moments, "have faith, dirah. the show must go on. everything will turn out fine." and he was right, the show went on despite the time limit and crazy practices. and i'm glad in the end everything turned out great. i can't say that it was perfect, but with all the effort that everyone has put in and comments from the audience, i'd say it's fair to say that it was "super-duper-best-horror-gila-nak-mati!" i hope all of you had as much fun as i did, and i'll see you next year!

p/s: special thanks to redzuan, diyanah, joey, intan, rahimy and izuan for coming all the way from nz, uk and tasmania to join in the night's celebration. =)