JustDirah

Honey, I'm Home!

2009-08-10T08:08:00.003+10:00

so, after a month - well 28 days to be exact - of travelling, i' back in sydney. i didn't bring a camera with me, so i won't be putting any photos up. but we had 4 camera girls during the first leg of the trip and the photos are already up on facebook. they left when we were in queensland so for the rest of the trip the photos are with andrialis, my trip mate. not quite sure whether they're up yet, but i'm sure they'll be there when she wants them to be. haha. why didn't i get a camera before the trip? come to think of it maybe i just couldn't be bothered, and on hindsight, it probably wasn't a very wise idea. =P

anyways, the trip was fun fun fun! not all the time, of course. some of the plces we went to were quite plain. but on an overall point of view, i can say that i enjoyed it. wouldn't mind doing it again, although maybe next time i'll visit the other side of australia, seeing that we didn't actually over all the states. i'm not very descriptive when it comes to writing - mamid will probably be better at this - but a picture paints a thousand words, so i guess you'll just have to check them out when they're up. haha.

'Like a shooting star

I can go the distance

I will search the world

I will face its harms

I don't care how far

I can go the distance'

-Michael Bolton-

My Life This Week

2009-06-24T10:46:00.003+10:00

i've finished my last paper for the semester!! and hopefully i'll do okay and be able to graduate next semester. the results won't come out until mid-july so i'll not even think about them until they're actually out. =P

so, what am i up to this winter?

i'm definitely going to attend Tong, NCG and With Love Down Under: Charity Gig. but that's not until week after next.

so let's talk about the near future. like tonight! tonight is the premier of transformers 2 and i'm watching that with sammy. it was suppposed to be a surprise but some people just can't stop asking questions. kantoi!

maybe walk around in the city on thursday. and so come shopping? have to budget coz if i don't i might use up all the money for my trip, which is not gonna be good. friday, we're going to macquarie and walk around. i hope it doesn't rain. we'll definitely stop by at zulaikha's for her house party and then go to the city for dinner and christine's after exams party. there's another one on saturday too. two days in a row! crazy crazy. but i like it. =P

i did plan to join some friends for a trip to newcastle this weekend but might have to pass if they change the dates. that's okay though. maybe i'll go for a picnic on sunday with mr katak instead.

so i've got plans. and i've got plans. i love contingency plans. plan a and plan b, and plan c just to be safe. haha.

It's my life

It's now or never

I ain't gonna live forever

I just wanna live while I'm alive

-Bon Jovi-

Distance

2009-06-19T14:18:00.004+10:00

i haven't talked to my bestfriend for such a long time. and when we finally talked after nearly 2 months, we have so many updates, it feels like a strobelight in a nightclub. have to see her as soon as i get home so we can talk about stuff over breakfast, coffee, brunch, lunch, tea, dinner and supper sessions. you have a confirmed date with me at least once every fortnight, miss apane! =P

distance do drive people apart. eventhough we try our hardest to fight it. how do you fight distance when you chose to be far from each other? you either stay close or you don't. you try keeping the relationship alive by texting and calling each other, sending emails and postcards. anything and everything. and hope that when you see each other again you'll be able to pick up where you left off.

but distance makes the heart grow fonder too. when you're away from someone for some time, you realise that with them around, life is much more interesting. without, it just feels a little empty. so when you see them again, you appreciate them more. you'd cherish every moment you spend with them.

distance. i don't mind physical distance. it's the emotional distance i can't take.

"Here the nights are crimson, the color of my heart.
Closer to oblivion, light years apart.
I'm much too far from where you are.
Life on a distant star."
-Vaneesa Daou-

Which Song Sould I Sing?

2009-06-18T10:30:00.005+10:00

i have approximately 5 days to study for my last paper. after deducting time for basic activities like sleeping and eating, and procrastination and entertainment, i should have 3 days. should be enough. just have to study 3 weeks worth of material in a day and i'll be fine. we'll see.

still deciding what song to sing for tong. here's a shortlist:-

my favorite song - skyler stonestreet
kantoi - zee avi
i will follow you into the dark - death cab for cutie
accidentally in love - counting crows
single girls - laura jansen

these are of course, just suggestions. i'll have to try and find ukulele chords coz erin's playing that instead of a guitar. i think it's gonna make all the songs sound really cute. =P we'll probably do three songs. should be enough. kan erin?

"I'm looking for a song to sing
Looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might find a heart to follow"
-Hanson-

Panic! At The Disco

2009-06-15T11:31:00.003+10:00

so i have 4 papers - today tomorrow and the day after. and one more next week. them i'm done! insyaallah. i'm kinda scared, more than i want to acknowledge or admit. but the first step is accepting the fact, right?

my first exam for my final semester is in 2 hours and 20 minutes.

am i ready? nope. not at all.

and what am i doing? updating my blog.

but my head hurts. have you ever done a hand stand (against the wall of course)? do you know how it feels when the blood rushes down to your head? that's how i'm feeling now. it's like all the information wants to fit inside my head and there's not enough space. can't tell them to leave coz if they do then how am i supposed to answer the exam questions? tough decision. more information vs less pain. they seem to have a positive correlation - as more information is absorbed, more pain is felt. no pain no gain? i certainly hope so.

here's to everyone who's going through panic! at the disco - ALL THE BEST!

"Yes you can

You can do anything if you try, just try

Yes you can but you have to believe

And rely on what you have inside

You can make it through your trials,

For your trials will just make you strong

You can do anything, yes you can"

-Donnie McClurkin-

Of Night

2009-06-14T22:26:00.000+10:00

i saw shining stars in the darkness of night,
slowly it turns into brilliant light,
one wondrous sight replaced by another,
from black and white to multicolour.

i heard nothing in the quiet of night,
then the hustle and bustle becomes my guide,
each sound like notes in a music symphony,
i lose myself to the rhythm and melody.

i smell dewdrops on the edge of night,
blends of perfume and spices as time takes flight,
from early morning to noon til late,
i feel alive with each breath that i take.

It's In Here

2009-06-05T22:45:00.003+10:00

in my head
assignments done!
exams in a week
stuvac is gonna be crazy

in my heart
lala-land is so fun
i want to be lost
ooopss, i did it again

in my soul
where do i go?
still finding a passion
somewhere in between

Happy Birthday To Me

2009-06-02T22:10:00.004+10:00

this year i had the best birthday ever! thank you everyone!

those two sentences have been up on facebook and msn since sunday but i just thought i'd put it here as well. indirect spamming? maybe. LOL.

my birthday weekend was awesome!

the surprise at mamak night really caught me off guard. well, to tell you the truth, i did think about it. but i didn't think it would actually happen. and the cupcakes were really cute!

the cheesecake at 12 and the video were super cool. i fell asleep while the girls were chatting but your company was super!

the birthday dinner was great too. i think 40 people turned up. and i am so greatful you guys were there. really made my day. =) dessert at max brenner was the first time this year. i love chocolate!

the sunday was a pretty relaxing. thank you mr katak for hanging out with me. =P

How Do You Deal With Yours?

2009-05-25T21:38:00.004+10:00

problems. how do you deal with your problems?

i know how i deal with mine. first thing i do is eat chocolates. they just seem to make the stress go away. if that doesn't work, i turn off the lights and go to sleep. sometimes, when its a really big problem i cry myself to sleep. but yes, and when i wake up the problem doesn't seem too big anymore. when a problem gets too overwhelming, i talk to someone i trust. just to lighten the burden in my mind and heart, and to find out whether it really is a problem or just me making a mountain out of a molehill. then i fix it. if i can't, then i forget about it. of course i don't always follow that order. sometimes i skip certain steps. but that's basically how it goes.

so how do you deal with yours?

do you write how you feel in a diary or a blog? do you try new things - good or bad? do you run for miles and get lost? do you lock yourself in your room and avoid any human contact? do you talk to family and friends to get emotional and physical support?

does it matter how you deal with them? or is what matters is that you dealt with them?

Inside you feel so tired,

Your minds move too fast.

Until you're knocked back on the ground,

Feelings that will linger around.

Summer here and the sun will find you,

Falling out with the world around you.

But you need not run away,

Cause everything's bound to change.

-Remy Zero-

Bed Of Cardboards

2009-05-24T03:15:00.004+10:00

she went to sleep down the alley
where no one could find her
she made a bed out of cardboards
she thought she had nothing to fear

thinking she'd be warm enough
with just a shred of cloth
she looked up at the stars
her mind wanders and then she's lost

in the beauty of it all
in the quiet of the night
she finds peace in the dark
she's letting go of her fight

she went to sleep down the alley
and no one found her
she made a bed out of cardboards
she finally had nothing to fear

Drafts?

2009-05-21T23:50:00.003+10:00

I currently have 11 drafts yet to be published. they've been sitting there for quite some time now and i have yet to find the right time to let them be seen by the world.

there's a time and place for everything. and i'm sure their turn will be soon.

or maybe not.

so many things to say, but sometimes they arent't said in quite the right way. let's see how long it will take.

Will You Tell Me What's In Your Closet?

2009-05-17T17:06:00.003+10:00

everyone has secrets. everyone has skeletons in their closet. everyone has something they want to hide from the world. sometimes the burden of hiding something gets too overwhelming and you just feel like sharing with someone you trust. or maybe someone random.

some things are meant to be shared with friends and family coz they undertsand you better than anyone else. they'd never judge you for what you do, and even if they do, they'll love you just the same. you can always count on them to catch you when you fall and help you to stand up on your own two feet. but sometimes, we hide secrets from those people who care about us the most because we're afraid we might disappoint them. and i don't know about you, but i'd rather listen to my family's naggings than have to see the look of diappointment on their faces.

there are moments when i feel like telling my secrets to a person whom i know doesn't know me at all. a stranger or an acquaintance who will probably judge me and critisize me for what i've done with no regard watsoever to who i am and what i've been through. it's going to be harsh but sometimes, i think we need a fresh perspective on the things we do, the person we are. don't get me wrong, i don't like being judged anymore than the next person. sometimes i'm terrified. but there are things people around us don't or can't see. not due to ignorance but due to the fact that their love for us blinds them from seeing the wrongs we've done.

secrets are hard to hide but at times, they are harder to share. so, just a question - when you decide to hide them from people, do you hide them because you're afraid of being judged or because you're afraid of being a disappointment?

Skeletons in my closet
Skeletons I can lose
Skeletons in my basement
Loitering on my streets
Wearing my best pajamas
Sandwiched between my sheets
-Alice Cooper-

The Voice Within

2009-05-14T01:32:00.003+10:00

when a friend comes to you with a problem in their head, what do you do? just listen and hold their hand? or do you give them advice and solutions?

before saying anything we have in mind, we'd have to first put ourselves in their shoes and try to understand what they're going through. but how are we ever going to be able to know what that person has been through? no two people were brought up the same way and they don't end up having the same values and beliefs, even if they were raised in the same family. given that they were, their personalities would still be different and that plays a part in shaping a person's views too. let's just say we have gone through the exact same thing, or even something similar, by the time the experience is needed, so much time has passed by that we don't even remember how we handled it then.

i guess the best thing a person can do is to first listen and hold their hand. instead of giving solutions, try and let that person see from both point of views - two sides of the same coin - and let them find the answer on their own. its important to get support from the people around you, but its more important to find the strength from within. coz who else knows you better than yours truly?

When there's no one else
Look inside yourself
Like your oldest friend
Just trust the voice within
Then you'll find the strength
That will guide your way
If you will learn to begin
To trust the voice within
-Christina Aguilera-

Running Out Of Time

2009-05-10T10:35:00.004+10:00

one of the things i don't like are lazy days. i dont mean the kind of days where you just feel like doing nothing on the beach or hanging out with friends. this is one of those days where you don't feel like getting out of bed. don't feel like eating. dont feel like seeing people. don't feel like doing ANYTHING. i just feel like wrapping myself in my blanket and stare at the ceiling.

BUT! i have to get things done. haven't folded my clothes since i did my laundry on friday. need to do my tutorials for tomorrow. and i have a meeting in 30 minutes! plus, i have a quiz on wednesday and so many assignments due soon. and the most important thing is, i have my final finals in 5 weeks! yikes!

so many things to do, so little time. i'll just have to get distracted less often. now, how do i do THAT! =S

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
-Pink Floyd-

One Black Dot

2009-05-09T12:30:00.006+10:00

people's perception of us is shaped by everything we do and say. and my judgment about people is not an exception to the rule.

when someone's always there to lend a helping hand, why can't we let them be selfish once in a while and say they're busy and not spend for us a bit of their time? when someone's always there to make you smile, why can't they make you mad for once and let go once the moment has gone by? when someone always knows the right things to say, why do we remember the wrong things they've said? when someone has always been there for you through thick and thin, why can't you spare that person the benefit of the doubt, the space to do something wrong, forgive and move on?

of all the good things people do, why do we judge people only by that one small thing they did wrong? why do we change our perceptions about someone just because of one mistake? does one black dot really ruin the whole picture?

have you ever heard the saying, 'kerana setitik nila, rosak susu sebalanga'? of all the malay sayings, this is the one which i wish were most untrue. but it wouldn't be passed on through generations if it were not.

Leaders? Maybe Not.

2009-05-08T23:33:00.007+10:00

i'm not very into politics - i don't really keep up-to-date with malaysia's political scene, let alone the world. my political views have always been shaped by the people around me, especially my father and my brother, and to some extent my friends. this is not something i'm very proud of. i should probably care more about these kind of things as they affect me just as much as they affect other citizens of malaysia.

but seriously, the political arena in malaysia these days is too embarassing. come on, are they really leaders? from the way they're acting, they seem to me just like the little children i used to take care of during one of my volunteering work. and even those children know when to fight, when to share and when to let go. i don't usually get in the way of children fighting over toys. and to me, these politicians are doing just that. compared to those children, these people are like babies. so why should i give them even a shred of my time? if it were up to me, i wouldn't give these 'leaders' a sideways glance or even follow them, much less to vote for them.

what are they fighting for? who are they fighting for? why are they fighting? shouldn't all these questions get the same answers? i guess not.

"Government loves you so sleep now rest assured

Your taxes make prisoners of war around the world

They'll mind warp and drug you rape your little girl

Your government loves you so sleep now rest assured

The earth's surface has been destroyed

The global elites master plan has been deployed"

-Future Leaders of the World-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYIS!

2009-03-14T11:45:00.007+11:00

selamat menyambut ulangtahun kelahiran yang ke-25. semoga panjang umur dan murah rezeki. saya sayang bangat sama kamu! =)

Things I Know

2009-03-13T10:21:00.003+11:00

there are things about me that i've always known, but there are also things about me that i don't know. all these things make me who i am regardless of whether i know of them or not.

i've always known that i am generally a happy person. i smile and laugh a lot. i try to find the silver lining behind every cloud. if i have a problem, i try to solve them, if i can't i just forget about them. i don't think there's any point in dwelling in something i can't fix.

i've always known that i have a temper, my fuse gets light up as quick as the big brown fox that jumps over the lazy dog. i get annoyed easily, with a lot of things and a lot of people. but i also know that this kind of feeling only lasts for a short while as the fuse gets doused up just as fast. having said that, my emotions fluctuate like a business cycle - i can forecast it but i can never be sure.

i've always known that i can never hide my feelings. my history teacher in college once said that i wear my heart on my sleeve. not that i want the world to know how i feel, coz i think some things are just not meant to be shown. but how i feel is always translated into facial expressions and body language, and i mean always. you can always tell when i'm happy or sad, or bored or mad, or whatever. believe me, if i could not let people know how i feel every second of the day i would - it saves me the trouble of explaining myself. but then again, when people know how i feel, i don't have to explain a lot either. so it works both ways. =)

i've always known that i am not able to remember a lot of things be it good or bad. my memories just seem to leave me once a phase in my life is over. that being said, of course i remember major events in my life, but i can't for the life of me, recall any of the details. and i know sometimes, mamid who remembers almost every thing gets exasperated with me for not remembering. =P sometimes, it can be a major pain but most of the time i'm thankful coz it saves me the hurt of remembering unhappy events in my life, even if it is at the expense of happy ones.

i've always known that i am able to forgive someone quite easily, partially because i don't remember what they've done in the first place - courtesy of me having a short memory. i guess i'm the kind of person who forgets and forgives instead of the other way around. i find that quite interesting.

i've always known that i am not a very good listener. my attention span is terribly low. i can't concentrate on anything a person has to say if i don't find it interesting - i'd actually change the subject in a flash. if i'm not interested in something you can't make me listen even if i was sitting in front of you looking at your face. my thoughts would be way across the universe by the time you start talking. but talk about something that i am interested in and i'd cling to your every word. you'd feel like you're the only person who matters to me right at that very moment.

there are many other things about me that i've always known but typing them out would take too much time. of course, there are a lot of things about me i don't know, and my family and friends are the ones who have the ability to tell me all that i don't know. if they don't, then i guess i'll never know.

"I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done
My momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends who love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am"
- Jessica Andrews -

My Song

2008-10-31T11:11:00.003+11:00

i've only heard this song once and i can't even remember how it goes. nonetheless, it's nice to know there's a song with my name in it. ;P

Nadirah by Eddie Hamid

Jauh malam bintang terbit di langit

Bulan terang cahayanya
Oh Nadirah

Terang bulan kini tak berguna untukku
Kerana kau jauh pandangan
Oh sayang

Walau di mana kau berada
Ku doa kau hidup bergembira

It Was A Mistake

2008-10-29T11:35:00.004+11:00

mistakes are made every day and no one can say that they haven't done at least ten in their lifetime.

to me, what matters the most is not the mistakes that you've made, but the guts to actually admit that you've made them. how else are you going to learn from your mistakes if you don't acknowledge that it's there in the first place? i know i've made countless mistakes - some big, some small, some i can remember and some i can't even recall committing. but whatever the mistake is, i'm not ashamed to admit them, especially not to myself. i try my hardest to learn from them and not do them again. but hey, i'm only human, sometimes i make the same mistake twice, thrice even! was i stupid? definitely, maybe. but that doesn't mean i didn't learn from them, it just means i made the same mistake, admit it and learn, yet again.

"And when I find my way back
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste for
A well-made mistake I wanna make a mistake
Why can't I make a mistake?"
- Fiona Apple -

Gossip Girl?

2008-10-27T16:35:00.004+11:00

i know for a fact that sometimes people talk about me, which is fine by me coz i'm not one who's void of gossiping. but really, sometimes the things people say are so off the target, i wonder who their source is.

a couple of days ago, a friend of mine told me that someone was gossiping about me. kinda mean stuff too. so, i asked whether that person was really referring to me, and she said yes, with certainty. i didn't ask who told her about it coz to me, it's not important. my friends know who i am, and if that person is a friend of mine, he or she would actually have the decency to ask me and not spread the word, or at least prior to it.

then again, gossips are just that - gossips: rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature (Dictionary.com, 2008). they aren't always true and its up to the person to clarify it with me - unless of course, i told you myself or you actually have pictures to prove it. if you do decide to ask me about something you've heard about me, maybe i'll admit it, deny it or not say anything about it, but i definitely won't lie. of course, my answer to you would depend on how i think you can handle the information, or what you'd use it for.

on a lighter note, i find this bit of information rather amusing.

"Do not go into their game,
Ignore the speak of gossip,
When they speak for you,
Thinking that everything's under,
Don't forget (that),
You are the matter of your fate."
- Black Bomb A-

Can You Spot The Difference?

2008-10-25T23:33:00.004+11:00

after 12 straight hours of working on incomprehensible computer language, copying and pasting, trial and error, i managed to finalise the new look for my blog. i can't remember the last time i put in so much effort in trying to change something. modifying the layout of a blog, editing the html - the fonts, alignment, background, main picture - is no easy task for someone who's not really a blog junkie, or very good at computer programming.

i am so proud of my new blog layout. words can't describe how i feel. =)

"And for all you know
This could be
The difference between what you need
And what you wanna be
Yeah, what you wanna be"
- Matchbox 20-

It's Just Starting

2008-10-23T13:04:00.005+11:00

how i start my day determines how i feel throughout. i don't have a strict schedule, but i like waking up sometime before 9am. anytime after that makes me feel like a whole day has been lost with me just lying in bed, and instead of giving me motivation to get up and do something about it, i just continue not doing anything.

today is one of those days. i can't believe i woke up at noon. it has been an hour of just lying in bed, chatting and facebooking, and my head hurts. i didn't sleep late last night - 1 a.m. is hardly late in my dictionary - but i didn't really get a good night's sleep either, since i kept on waking up at random times and it annoyed the hell out of me. plus, the cold weather is definitely not helping.

if it weren't for the fact that finals are just less than 3 weeks away, i'd probably just lie in bed, staring at the ceiling for a whole day. but no! i have to get up! i'll be ready to hit the books in 45 minutes.

so, let's do this!

"It's a beautiful day
Sky falls, you feel like
It's a beautiful day
Don't let it get away"

- U2 -

Point Blanc!

2008-10-22T12:56:00.032+11:00

this is a purely vain entry.

before i went to adelaide, i decided that the trip would have a theme. yeah, i know. who actually decides on a theme when they go on a holiday? well, yours truly, of course! i wanted to wear white every day that i was in adelaide, not all white, but dominantly. so here are the pictures! =)

Awesome Adelaide

2008-10-21T21:21:00.020+11:00

my friends ask me why i keep on going to adelaide when i haven't visited any other parts of australia. honestly, simply because i love the laid back feel, the scenery and of course, more than anything else, i love the company. tania and sarah were wonderful, couldn't ask for better hostesses! thank you so much for letting me crash at your place. =)

day 1: thursday, october 16
i arrived at the airport at 8.30am, which was half an hour late since the itinerary said i should arrive at 8am. but all the clocks at the airport said it was 8am which was so weird, i thought all the clocks were wrong and my watch was right. then it dawned on me that adelaide was half an hour late from sydney. and i felt like a bimbo. thank god i didn't try to correct them. =P

tania and sarah picked me up from the airport and we went to their place (thank you so much for waking up early for me!) we had breakfast at the pancake house which reminded me so much of pancakes on the rocks coz they had similar items on the menus. yummy! that night, we went to kak dah's place where we had a super delicious dinner - there were 6 dishes on the table! - with qiddin and aunty nor.

day 2: friday, october 17
we had sarah's birthday party that night! i made the cake - oreo cheesecake as requested by the birthday girl, with a little (no, make that a lot!) help from her. we didn't have an electric mixer so everything had to be made by hand! and guess who had stronger hands? sarah ramli! she has such strong hands for such a petite girl. so now you know who to call when you need someone to beat your cake mix. haha.

the party was great! we had nachos by tania and mee kari by nik aishah and the gang, and lemon lime bitter - did you know they had a cordial in that flavour? we had so much fun playing cranium and charades, screaming our lungs out when we won, i'm surprised the neighbours didn't come knocking on the door.

day 3: saturday, october 18

Sarah was already out at 9am as she had a meeting at uni. tania and i were supposed to have brunch at 10 with effy, dina and nurul, but at the proposed time, we were still in bed. haha. finally, we managed to haul ourselves out of bed, get ready and reach dulwich cafe sometime near 10, malaysian time (which means 11). =P the food was okay but the drinks were superb, well, at least my chocolate milkshake was.

then, tania told me she's gonna drop sarah and me off at some open house. naturally, i freaked out - i didn't know anyone! initially, i dreaded the idea but now, i think it was great! they had lots of food but i didn't really eat much coz i filled myself up during brunch, but the custard tart was scrumptious. wish i had eaten ten instead of just one. =S

day 4: sunday, october 19
i woke up quite early for a sunday and had to fill my time watching mtv and channel v, dancing to the songs while waiting for tania and sarah. we were going to inaaz and hola's barefoot birthday party at botanic garden at 1pm. the botanic garden was huge and really, really nice. it was a beautiful sunny day, a nice day to have an outdoor party.

we had krispy kreme (i'm still wondering where they came from), fried meehoon, potato wedges, tuna and egg sandwiches and cake! i ate so much of everything, i could feel my tummy bursting! we didn't stay for the games, but i'm sure it was fun. =)

that night, i hung out with an old friend, a very good friend. we talked about everything and nothing. guess who? =P

day 5: monday, october 20
and finally, the dreaded day arrived. i whined nearly the whole day, not wanting to get on that flight back to sydney. if i didn't have exams in three weeks, i'd probably have extended my stay for another 5 days. so, i left adelaide at 6.50pm with a heavy heart, filled with fond memories.

so yeah, adelaide was awesome! and if i get the chance, i'd go again next year! maybe next time, it'll be one way. =P

Made My Day

2008-10-15T08:25:00.009+11:00

it never ceases to amaze me how such a small gesture can really make someone's day regardless of how bad they feel about themselves. of course, it works the other way around too. these little things which we don't think are important - a smile, a pat on the back, a word of encouragement - can turn someone's frown upside down. let me put this into context.

location: darlington house, usyd
date: october 14, 2008
time: 11. 24 a.m.

a girl was walking towards university, taking her time as she was a bit early for her 12 o'clock class, when she saw a mailman walking towards her, smiling.

mailman: how are you this morning?(still with a smile on his face)
girl: (blank stare). i'm doing fine. How are you? (as she tries to figure out whether she knows the guy)
mailman: i'm so sorry, but you look like beyonce. (smiling, with his hands moving around)
girl: Ohhhh, thank you!

now, there are two people with a big smile on their faces.

location: max brenner, paddington
date: october 14, 2008
time: 10.05 p.m.

two friends were having a chat over delicious hot chocolate and waffles with ice cream, after a day of shopping, oporto and an open lecture.

friend 1: i never thought i'd ever get close to you. it's hard to get close to you coz you're so friendly. you're like, you!
friend 2: (with a confused look) really? what do you mean? am i not friendly enough?
friend 1: no, what i meant was you're so friendly to everyone, but to be close to you would be special. i feel like i'm chosen to be close to you.
friend 2: you were.

so now, there are two people who feel special.

"When you're smilin', When you're smilin'
The whole world smiles with you.
And when you're laughin', When you're laughin'
The sun comes shinin' through.

When you're cryin', You bring on the rain,
So, stop you're sighin', Won't you be happy again!

When you're smiling, Keep on smilin'
And the whole world smiles with you"
- Louis Armstrong -

Oh, That Was When?

2008-10-14T10:16:00.005+11:00

it's been such a long, long time since i last wrote anything in this blog of mine.

a lot of things have happened in the past few months, probably one of the most eventful time of my life. the tears, the laughter, the sadness and the happiness all jumbled up in one crazy, crazy, crazy time. too many things for me to write in just one blog post, but i guess, those people who have been around me, supporting me all the way already know anyway. thank you so much for being there for me, whenever i needed a shoulder to cry on, for just hanging out, for making me laugh, for leaving me alone when i just needed to be on my own.

through it all, i have become a stronger person. i can feel myself change, and i hope it's for the better.

"So much stays unknown till the time has come.
Did you imagine you could ever be so strong,
Then watch your fear just turn into relief?
Your sea of doubt become your own belief?
Though tears dont come to cry some grief away,
The tears will help to keep your need at bay."
- Beth Orton -

Respect Who?

2008-01-15T12:56:00.001+11:00

respect is earned, not passed down. just because you're in a position of power, it does not mean that you are entitled to respect from those inferior to you.

a leader should know that his actions and words play a much more important part in the way a person perceives him. see, if you expect the culture of the team to be one of punctuality, as a leader, you should be the one to uphold it first. if for example, you're always late for work, but you expect your subordinates to be on time, really, do you think it's going to be that way? most definitely not! the strength of a team is only as strong as it's weakest link. and if that link is at the top, you can most certainly expect it to crumble.

i for one, have no respect for a leader who's an utter hypocrite. talking and laughing when he doesn't have anything to do, without any thought for others who might be concentrating on their work. but, when another person utters a single word when he's concentrating on his job, he stops them in their tracks. telling them in a not-so-subtle way that they should occupy their time more productively. come on, you can do it but no one else can? really, do you expect me to respect that?

oh well, this is probably a bitter me talking. coz not too long ago, i was asked to shut up. well, for your information, mr. the man, i was talking about something quite important for my learning purposes in uni. not that you'd remember, coz you graduated so long ago, your brain probably doesn't have enough capacity to retain those memories.

so, respect who? you? puh-lease!

Tag! You're it!

2007-11-14T12:30:00.000+11:00

"list down five things you enjoy in your life right now. when you're done, tag 6 other people."

1. music!! it's wonderful discovering songs you've never heard of and finding that you love them.

2. end of exams. the wonderful feeling you get when you walk out of the hall after your
last paper is bliss. =)

3. my family. whom i will be meeting in less than a week! yeay!

4. food. their ability to lighten my mood never fails to amaze me. and of course the fact that i can't wait to get back home in eat and eat and eat.

5. sleep. yeah, that's what i do when i want to run away from reality. besides, i need my beauty sleep. =P

now, who do i tag?

faiz, sheera, yaya, eiman, jenny and taufik.

i wonder how many of them will actually get into the game. =P

we'll see. =)

Baby,It's Cold Outside

2007-11-12T19:53:00.001+11:00

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
And father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
well Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

C'mon baby

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a cigarette more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to get home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside..

Disillusioned

2007-11-10T12:24:00.000+11:00

a stranger comes knocking at your door,
but is he really a stranger,
or is he someone you've crossed path with,
but no longer in your memories?

a friend crosses the street,
and you stop to say hi,
he doesn't seem to recognise you,
or is he just in a hurry?

an enemy sits beside you in the lecture room,
but he doesn't seem to notice you,
he knows that you hate him,
or, does he really?

a girl looks at you from across the room,
starts smiling and waving,
but is she doing that to you,
or the person right behind?

you see what you want to see,
and you screen out those which don't fit,
sometimes we get disillusioned,
or is it just reality?

Change?

2007-10-16T14:50:00.000+10:00

how often do you hear people say something and then go against it in a blink of an eye? what goes on in your head when that happens? do you go, "oh my god. she said she'd never do that" or do you just shrug it off and not think anything of it? well, i suppose i've always been in the first group. but thinking about it, i wish i was in the latter.

i suppose it's a bit like going against your principles, or maybe your word. sometimes when we say something, we don't really think about it. we just say stuff witout knowing what it really entails and later we forget about it. sometimes we change our minds and do something else. but why not? why can't we be flexible? why can't we say something, and then maybe sometime later decide to change our minds about what we think? i suppose you should try to stick to what you say, especially if it's a good thing. but then again, we go through a lot of things and our thinking evolve by the things we experience. things change all the time, and people change as well.

so, let's give change a chance, regardless of what form it comes in.

Happy 50th Entryversary!

2007-09-18T12:04:00.000+10:00

yes, it's true! although it has taken more than a year for this to happen, i’m proud to announce that my blog is now 50 entries old (fyi, it is the official measurement of a blog’s age.. haha). i’ve been thinking about what to write all day, and in the end (a few seconds ago), i finally decided to write about 50 people who has left a footprint in my life, made a difference or for simply being a part of it. so, in no particular order of importance, here it is.

1. ayah: for pushing me forward and always believing in me.
2. mama: for being the strongest person i know.
3. abang: for making me realize that “with great power comes great responsibility.”
4. nawwar: for always taking a stand.
5. apan: for making me realize that no matter what, family always comes first.
6. yani: for being my shoulder to cry on.
7. erin: for always having her own opinions.
8. sheera: for being able to see all the good things in a person.
9. jamsy: for having passion in everything she does.
10. kazar: for being true to himself.
11. mamid: for always being the life of the party.
12. faris: for reminding me that someone up there loves me.
13. budin: for knowing when not to say anything.
14. farhan: for making me believe in love.
15. syahmi: for being the unexpected person i can turn to.
16. anept: for making me believe in long distance relationships.
17. qiddin: for making me realize that “behind every cloud, there’s a silver lining”.
18. mars: for believing in her abilities.
19. zazo: for making me believe in hard work.
20. mysara: for introducing me to style and fashion.
21. lynn: for making me realize that different people handle things differently.
22. yana (pau): for always knowing the right things to say.
23. salina: for having all the energy in the world.
24. faiz: for giving me the insights into politics.
25. yamud: for having faith.
26. jaih: for making me realize that friends will always be able to forgive each other.
27. yaya: for being able to trust again.
28. jenny: for making me believe in multi-cultural malaysia.
29. nana: for reminding me to not judge a book by its cover.
30. atfy: for making me believe in platonic relationships.
31. sazlin aina: for reminding me to cherish our differences.
32. joe: for not taking life too seriously.
33. mohaz: for making me realize that it’s okay to admit that you’re wrong.
34. maisa: for making an effort to patch things up.
35. alan: for making me realise that there are always two sides of a coin.
36. ramen: for cheering me up when i’m down.
37. yana (kenit): for always making me feel loved.
38. atuk: for letting me know that experience is the best teacher.
39. yolanda: for being persistent.
40. diane: for making me believe in the chemistry between new friends.
41. dira: for making me realize the importance of confidence.
42. moyang: for making me realize the importance of our heritage.
43. faidzal: for being able to laugh at himself.
44. jack: for always making me feel remembered.
45. irwansyah: for being there when i was in one of the hardest time of my life.
46. amelia: for making me believe in friendship.
47. nazmi: for making me realize how hard it is to handle myself.
48. nik amir: for making me realize that there are a lot of ways to pursue what you love.
49. lini: for being one of the nicest person i’ve ever met.
50. hanis: for always being there.

disclaimer: this is by no means a comprehensive list. just because you’re not in, it doesn’t make you any less important. it just means that what i have to say about you can’t be expressed into words.

The Interpreter

2007-09-14T17:16:00.001+10:00

it's amazing how one thing you say can be interpreted in so many different ways. that's probably okay if they're all positive, but sadly, not everyone tries to look on the bright side.

i never thought there would come a day when I will have to be really careful of the things i say to my friends. of course i realise that whenever you criticise something, you'd have to consider that other person's feelings. but knowing that people close to me will manipulate my words and actions to suit their perspective of life, and even themselves, i realise that regardless of how straightforward my statement is, there will always be someone who will interpret it according to their beliefs.

i see myself as someone who don't really know how to sugar coat my words. sometimes, what i say can come out quite harsh. i also believe that i am not the type of person who likes to beat around the bush because then, i wouldn't be able to understand myself. so, when i say something like, 'i've never considered you as more than a friend," please take it at face value and don't try to interpret it in any other way because regardless of how much you want to believe it, it's not true. there may be people out there who don't mean what they say, and there's nothing wrong with that. but rest assured, i'm not in that group.

if you have doubts about why i do what i do, and why i say what i say, please clarify with me whether it's true before you decide to label it as the right interpretation.

It's Broken

2007-09-08T00:53:00.001+10:00

trust is not something you play with. and it's definitely not something you can take for granted. when i tell you something, with a verbal agreement to not let anyone else know, i expect you to hold that trust as closely to your heart as if you were guarding your own life. people say it takes months, or even years to gain a person's trust, but only a few minutes, or even seconds to lose it. i am disappointed by the fact that today i have lost the ability to trust a person and it will take a long time before i can do it again, if ever.

the circle of trust has been broken.

It Was Great!

2007-09-02T21:28:00.000+10:00

thank you to all my friends, those whom i've known all my life and those whom i've met along the way, for helping me out in making this year's malam gema merdeka one of the best memories i will ever have in sydney. i am touched by the spirit everyone showed during the nights nearing the event. your commitment and cooperation is something i rarely see and it was great working with all of you. i guess what people is true, "when in adversity, people will always stand by each other." sorry for anything i've said which may have hurt your feelings, for any feelings which may be too obvious on my face or for anything i've done which may have made you feel unimportant. i will forever remember what all of you have said and done; comforting me when i was really stressed out, offering to take the burden of my shoulders when there were way too much to carry and of course, for simply understanding.

although i had doubts about the end result, but as yamud said to me during one of those crazy moments, "have faith, dirah. the show must go on. everything will turn out fine." and he was right, the show went on despite the time limit and crazy practices. and i'm glad in the end everything turned out great. i can't say that it was perfect, but with all the effort that everyone has put in and comments from the audience, i'd say it's fair to say that it was "super-duper-best-horror-gila-nak-mati!" i hope all of you had as much fun as i did, and i'll see you next year!

p/s: special thanks to redzuan, diyanah, joey, intan, rahimy and izuan for coming all the way from nz, uk and tasmania to join in the night's celebration. =)

What Time Is It?

2007-08-29T23:40:00.001+10:00

there's always a place and a time for everything, but sometimes, lost in a space where everything else doesn't seem to exist, we lose track of it.

defining appropriateness would be difficult. i doubt we could ever point to an object which is suitable for every occasion. my lecturer once said, " a bride in a wedding gown would be perfect for a wedding, but imagine that same girl, in that same dress walking around at university. she would definitely be out of place." i know it's a weird example, why would a bride be in university, right? well, this was actually said in my people and organisations lecture, which to me is a very interesting subject, and i was hoping you would get my point. anyway, people act the way they are regardless of where they are. sometimes, they forget that what they are doing is somewhat selfish. by acting a certain way at a time and place which is really unsuitable, you hurt the feelings of others, and sometimes even yourself due to the misunderstanding which surfaces. have some empathy, put yourself in other's shoes. i never used to understand why my high school teachers always get angry, sometimes even storming out of class, when we make too much noise and don't pay attention. now i know why, now i understand. sometimes, you have to go through it to actually realise things.

there are still times when i don't understand why people are mad at me, or even annoyed at me. but i'm still learning, by having people tell me straight to my face, or actually going through it myself. it is definitely a slow process, but hey, it's better late than never, right?

This Is For You

2007-08-22T13:22:00.001+10:00

we say a lot of things we don't really mean for various reasons. sometimes, because of the stress piling up inside our head, sometimes because of all the emotions building up inside our heart.

there are times when we say things to make ourselves feel better. be it because of something we've done to others or something others have done to us. or maybe just because in every one of us, there's a small part which will always feel insecure, inadequate, unloved. as we translate the things in our head into words, along the way, we hurt the people who have nothing to do with the situation we're in, or even, the things we're feeling. people who, in contrary, are always there to listen, to be our shoulder to cry on.

this entry goes out to all those people who've always been there for me, but whom i've hurt, albeit unintentionally. i say things that sometimes i regret straight away, but was never humble enough to admit. i guess sometimes, i am a bit egoistical, regardless of what i make myself believe. i'm sorry.

and thank you for staying with me.

Eight Random Things

2007-08-10T01:26:00.000+10:00

thanks to my friend, sheera, who has gotten me involved with a weird virtual tag game, i'll write eight random things about myself. so, here goes.

1. my favourite drink from easyway is honey milk tea with fig jelly.

2. i've got 3 perfumes, all of which are in pink bottles.

3. i prefer lord of the rings over harry potter.

4. my password is longer than average, i think.

5. i sleep with the lights on.

6. i was once flirt of the year.

7. the one place i wish i could go to is disney world in florida.

8. i'm currently making a list of things i want to do before graduating.

yeah, those are eight random things about myself. i'm gonna find someone else to tag now. yeay!

You're Not That Special

2007-07-29T23:50:00.000+10:00

i see myself as someone who is quite rational when making my decisions. of course, being a normal human being, there are times when my heart overpowers my brain. in situations like these, i tend to be a bit emotional, but rest assured they subside just as quickly as they appeared.

i don't always show everything i feel, it's just that a lot of times, the things i'm feeling can be seen through the expressions on my face. i don't do them on purpose, they just happen naturally - i do not always want the whole world to know what's going on inside me. it happens most often when i'm around people i really care about, and i know care about me just as much. i do not throw tantrums at people who i don't think will be there for me through thick and thin, and i most definitely do not throw tantrums at people who don't have the courtesy or even the guts to tell me the truth.

so, tell me, what makes you think you're that special? believe me, you're not.

How We Feel

2007-07-06T19:02:00.000+10:00

do you know how i feel,
when you turned your back on me,
walked on and on,
without looking back even once?

do you know how i feel,
when i found out about the story,
crushing my heart to pieces,
without even a sign of regret?

do you know how i feel,
when the betrayal started to sink in,
nothing seems to make sense,
without anyone to help me stand again?

now i know how you feel,
when you walked away from me,
you were hiding the tears in your eyes,
for all the hurt you've caused me.

now i know how you feel,
when you told me the story,
the guilt was so overwhelming,
and you couldn't bear to be yourself.

now i know how you feel,
now i understand,
that the person hurting someone else,
hurts himself as well.

You Have Got To Be Kidding

2007-07-03T19:11:00.000+10:00

i often hear people say that they don't judge what people do, they listen. that could be good, or even bad to a certain extent.

i don't think anyone would be able to truly not judge what other people are doing regardless of how hard a person tries. we walk down the street and say, "that girl's skirt doesn't match her top", "how could you listen to those kind of music", or even something as simple as, "you have got to be kidding." when we say all these things, of course we don't mean to criticise or think negatively, but there's a part of our conscious mind which is silently judging the other person's choice. i hear people deny it all the time, saying that they're not judging; they're just making a comment. come on, isn't that just another form of judgement? there's nothing wrong in judging, if you learn from that judgment you made, and if it were channelled in a positive way. an example would be when you're giving advice; you'd first have to listen to the story, judge the postive and negative side of it and then give relevant advice. it would be ridiculous to just give advice without putting some thought into it. that is just one example, i'm sure you could think of others once you think about it.

we make judgements everyday, consciously or unconsciously. it's just a matter of admitting that it's really not that bad, it could even be good.

Blank

2007-06-20T12:07:00.000+10:00

waking up in the morning,
no sunshine on my face,
no birds chirping outside my window,
no sign of life anywhere.

staring at the computer screen,
there's a vague reflection of myself,
and the blank wall behind me,
nothing else seem to exist.

books and pens scattered on my desk,
but the page is empty,
no words ended with a question mark,
no answers to be seen.

papers pinned on the wall in front of me,
too many things i still don't understand,
will i ever get through this?
or will i be sucked into a quicksand?

Too Much

2007-06-05T12:58:00.000+10:00

too much to give, too much to say, too much to think.

i want to go there. a place which makes me feel safe. but somehow, before i even reach that haven, my heart races, my mind swirls and i can feel myself being sucked into a whirlpool of disappointment. its a feeling i was never fond of. its one of those feelings you'd put in a group with hate, betrayal and despair. i had my plans. i'd go there without anyone knowing. maybe stay there for a couple of days and just sit quietly, patiently while waiting for the show to begin. but now, now my plans have gone wrong. my safe haven is being reconstructed, to redeem its past glory. its a good thing. its great. but somehow, my heart feels so down. and despite the promises, i just want to let time pass by and maybe when i get the courage, i'll be able to go there again. and that show i was waiting for is too busy figuring out the next plot, its becoming just another show on tv.

maybe there's too much to give, yet i'm expecting too much to be given to me.
maybe there's too much to say, yet i'm expecting too much to be said to me.
maybe there's too much to think, yet i'm expecting too much to be thought about me.

maybe, just maybe.

Be Mine

2007-06-04T21:09:00.001+10:00

hug me,
hold me close,
let me lie on your chest,
and hear your heart beating fast.

kiss me,
oh so tenderly,
let me taste your lips,
and indulge in a passion so sweet.

caress me,
with your touch so heavenly ,
let me lose myself,
and drown in this wonderful feeling.

be with me,
it's just a simple request,
don't make me wait so long,
don't put my heart to a test.

look at the full moon,
lighting the night so bright,
i don't need a reason to stay,
your arms just feel so right.

there's a shooting star,
moving across the sky,
let's make a wish,
let's prolong the night.

In My Head

2007-05-31T04:17:00.000+10:00

assignment due.
friday, May 25.
late? yes.
have to finish it today.
but my head's so heavy.
capitalist economies should just converge.
the academics talk about life too.

malam gema merdeka.
synopsis. characters. scenes. auditions.
i want to be in.
a lot of things to develop.
a lot of ideas to incorporate.
a lot of comments.
constructive, thank god.

birthday.
21 years of living.
black and white.
artistically interwoven in life.
a gradient of colours yet to be discovered.
in betweens yet to be identified.

love.
help me fly.
happiness should be longer.
abrupt visits i wish would never end.
let it last.
forever.

tomorrow.
uncertain.
locked up in my room.
hope of completion.
welcome the weekend.

itunes.
turn to reality.
yellow submarine, the beatles.
happy, happy lyrics.
rhythm fading.

thoughts.
randomly emerging.
turning into one.
its just a blur.
now, it's a blank.

Have Faith

2007-05-27T15:59:00.000+10:00

it's one thing to have faith in yourself, but it's another thing to have faith in someone else.

i believe in you not just because of who you are, but because i see in you the ability to do something you've never done, or have only done once and never want to do again because you had a bad experience doing it.

you''ll never really know your potential until you try and try again. i'm sure brad pitt didn't get discovered in his first play. i'm sure jason mraz didn't sign an album deal on the first day he decided to go busking. i'm sure a lot of other famous people didn't get to where they are now just by trying once.

come on, give it another try. i know you'll love it just as much as i do.

i have faith in you because i know you can do it, and also because i love you.

i hope you have faith in yourself too.

Do We Know The Whole Story?

2007-05-11T12:11:00.000+10:00

i learnt something new today.

a lot of times we try our best to see something from another person's point of view. a lot of times we say we understand what they're going through coz we've gone through something similar and we say that we can relate to how they feel. at other times, we say what they're going through is really not that hard coz we know of other people who are going through worse things.

a lot of times we hear a story from the person who's experiencing it, sometimes from a friend who knows a friend who's going through something. each story we hear sounds like just another chick flick. they sound so familiar, so much alike, sometimes you don't even recognise the differences. like the movies on tv, the differences are in the small things that they keep to themselves, the little details they'd rather not tell anyone else. in the movies on tv, we get to see everything. we go through each stage of the story with the characters in it. but it's just not the case when it's a movie in reality.

i'm sure in each story we tell, we never really tell everything about it. there will always be things we leave out because of guilt, shame, fear of judgement or simply because we forgot. no one will really know what another person is going through unless they've heard the whole story, and most of the time we don't really get to. a lot of times, eventhough we think we know how the story goes, we'll never really understand what that person is going through unless we've really been in that person's shoes.

i learnt something new today.

i learnt that regardless of how much we think we know how a person feels, and why they act and do certain things, sometimes we have to ask ourselves, do we know the whole story?

Fairy Tale

2007-05-07T21:15:00.000+10:00

i wonder what it's like to live in a fairy tale. i mean wouldn't it be nice if we are all leading a life like cinderella? or maybe aladdin? i know. i know. all of the characters in a fairy tale have to go through hardship first, but they got their happy ending in the end. so, it's not so bad. yeap, i'm sure all of us are living in our own fairy tale, but since that happy ending hasn't come yet, it's a bit hard to say that we are. it's alright. it's gonna come soon. i mean, i'm sure if princess aurora were a real person, she probably asked herself when her prince charming was coming before she met him. and snow white even had a song for it. i do have a penchant for fairy tales. especially disney movies or cartoon. i know i've told almost everyone who knows me. but i'm gonna say it again anyway. i love disney movies. i'm glad walt disney decided to start his company. one day, i'm gonna make sure that i go to disneyworld in florida. that would one of my biggest dream come true! maybe i am a bit old to be wanting to go to a kid's place, but i don't care! there's a little kid inside me who still hasn't achieved her dream. and i'm gonna make sure that she does. yup, one day i'll be able to meet cinderella. =)

Kaulah Hatiku

2007-05-05T18:51:00.000+10:00

hatiku terdengar
laungan suaramu
hatiku terlihat
tangisan air matamu
hatiku menangis
bila kau bersedih
hatiku terasa pilu
bila kau tiada disisiku

kembalilah
bersama mentari
dengan senyuman
terukir di bibirmu
tinggalkanlah hujan
yang membasahi pipi
di sini
pelangi sedang menunggu

hatiku terdengar
laungan suaramu
hatiku terlihat
wajah ceriamu
hatiku tertawa
bila kau gembira
hatiku terasa ceria
bila kau berada di sampingku

tanpamu
kelabulah siang
tanpamu
gelaplah malam tanpa bintang
bila kau di sisi
duniaku lebih indah
kerna kasih
oh kasih
kaulah hatiku

Just Stuff

2007-05-04T19:33:00.000+10:00

time flies when you have so much things to do! it's currently the weekend of week 8 of uni and there are only 6 weeks to the exams, and of course an extra 2 to winter break. i really do have to catch up with my government readings, and there are still a few assignments that need to be handed in. i really should get started with the government assignment which adds up to 40% of the final marks... and of course, the quizzes! yup, yup. it is a very busy semester, and there are still a few more weeks to go. well, like i said, time flies when you have so much things to do. and i'm sure it's gonna be over sooner than i think. =P

i have 5 dozen egg sandwiches in my room! what for? well, it's for the umno picnic we're having tomorrow. they really look like 5 leaning towers of pisa. haha. maybe not that pretty, but they definitely look good enough to eat!

owhhh, i have found my paper bag full of bags! it's been in my brother's cupboard, which is in his room, the whole time i was searching for them. thank god i finally found them. i've been forced to use the 2 bags i brought from home for the past 4 months and if they were people they'd be glad to get a break. a well deserved one, i should say.

i just watched 'The Break Up' starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. it's a nice movie, something you watch when you really have nothing to do, or if you just want to chill out and relax. i don't really like the ending, though. i watch movies purely for the entertainment factor and i always expect a movie to have a happy ending. and this one didn't have one. i mean, it didn't have a really crappy ending but i do wish the couple did end up together. well, that's a spoiler if you haven't watched the movie! haha. but then again, it does teach someone to be more appreciative of what they have, coz like people say, 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone.' but yeah, that's why i stick to disney movies. they've got good story lines, with some moral values stuck in and most importantly, they always, always, always have happy endings! =)

Rascal Flatts - Bless the Broken Road

2007-05-03T19:04:00.000+10:00

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

i am currently infatuated with this song, and with the guy who has the title of this blog in his friendster comment. =P

The Reason

2007-03-29T10:15:00.000+10:00

yes, yes. i have been very lazy to get myself online and actually write something down in my abandoned blog. i guess if it were a person, my blog would probably never want to be my friend again. hehe.

i'm not sure why i haven't updated it for a long time. maybe because, i've been busy with uni? hmm.. not really. i've got two days off - wednesdays and fridays. but of course, i spend most wednesdays at unsw, as the escort of a certain electrical engineering student. but fridays are mostly spent at home. not to forget the fact that i've only got a two-hour class on thursday. i've certainly got loads of assignments that need to be handed in, but i haven't even started on those yet. i've got approximately three weeks left, so i'm sure i've got enough time.

i suppose one of the reason is because i've been watching the previous seasons of scrubs for the second round and i can't seem to stop myself. somehow watching the show makes me happy. whenever i'm going through one of those emotional hours, or days, watching scrubs can actually make my moods go up again. it's certainly very uplifting to see people who love the job they're doing despite the bad times they've got to go through. i know it's just a show, and reality would probably not be as sweet, but it's a nice thought anyway. one time, i actually regretted not being a doctor coz i loved the show so much. haha. i've even downloaded the soundtrack for all the seasons (courtesy of Syahmi and Budin's exceptional internet connection. thank you!), and i'm currently listening to it right now. i'm waiting for the 6th season to finish its run so that i can watch the whole thing without any interruption. yeap, i truly am a scrubs fan, and proud to be one too. hehe.

regardless of my infatuation with the show, i will try to update my blog as often as i can. that's it for now, i'm off for the last few episodes of season 5! =P

Choices

2007-03-06T16:45:00.000+11:00

It's been two days since the start of uni and i'm glad to say that it's going fine. although, i'd have to wait until next week, after tutorials start for me to find out whether it's really gonna be ok.

i'm still undecided about how i want my final timetable to be like. right now, i have two days off - wednesday and friday - but i'd really like to change it to thursday and friday so i'd get a long weekend. but of course, nothing is free in this world. if i want to get it changed, i'd have to wake up earlier since classes would probably have to start at 9 instead of 10. i know it's not that early but i do have a slight problem with having classes at 9, especially if they're tutorials. it's not quite early enough for me to wake up really early, as then, i wouldn't know what to do with the time, but it's not nearly late enough for me to sleep in an extra few hours. well, well, i guess that's what happens when you have too many options. i'm not complaining about the numerous options that i've got, but really, sometimes it does make my brain work overtime. =P

it struck me as weird, how we want choices when we can't have them, and don't want them when we do. i guess that's just typical human nature. the grass always seems greener on the other side. having choices is definitely better, but i'd have to say it's not easier. it's so much easier if someone told us what to do instead of having to think about it ourselves. yes, we'd probably complain about the lack of choices, but in the end, we'd spend the time allocated to get it done and over with coz that's the only thing we can do. if we could choose to do anything we want, we'd probably spend the majority of time thinking about it, and that would probably leave us with too little time to actually do it.

then again, i suppose you always have a choice, the most important thing is what you do with what you choose.

End and Start

2007-03-02T12:21:00.000+11:00

i know this sounds cliche, but isn't it amazing how time flies when your having fun? and now, i realize time flies even when you're not having fun. i guess time is just going at the same pace. we're the ones who seem to be falling back.

my three months summer holidays has ended and i'm back in sydney for another semester of study(hopefully more than last semester!), outing with friends, bbqs and etc. summer in malaysia was both fulfilling and disappointing. it was wonderful being able to just hang out with my family, but i wish i had gone out more with my friends. i entered a lot of competitions, most of which depended on my ability to write slogans, while others relied on luck. the major competition that i actually went for was the creation of malaysia's independence day celebration logo. initially i wanted to send in a lot of entries, but in the end, i only picked the one i liked best and sent that in. since i didn't have any photoshop skills, i had to draw it by hand and paint it using watercolour, which brought back high school memories of art class. =) i have yet to see any results from my entering the competitions, but i guess i'll know soon enough.

now that i'm in sydney, i'm happy to say that i've got dewi as my housemate, and it's wonderful to know that i have someone here to talk to when i get back from uni. dewi! make sure you make time for me, okay! you can knock on my door anytime. =) and rahman my new housemate too, actually. but he's not back yet. owh yeah, this semester, i've decided to take microeconomics, accounting 1b, marketing and government studies. i will try to reduce my hanging out time and spend more time studying as i really don't want to get the same results as last semester. quite disappointing. i know i'll do better if i work hard enough. ganbatte dirah!

all in all, i know it's gonna be another fun semester! and hopefully, i'll be able to balance study and play. =)

Blogging

2006-12-14T17:17:00.000+11:00

it has been nearly a month since i came back to malaysia, and it is also that long since i posted an entry in my blog. and i've been thinking about my ability to keep my blog alive.

i'm not very good at expressing my emotions in writing. if people could be categorised as speakers, listeners or writers, i'd definitely be the first one. i'm not saying that i can't be a listener or a writer, but i am however, better in speaking than i am in those other two skills. skills which i think i have to work on in order to be a better person. and i am sure my family and friends will agree with that. =) anyways, i prefer to talk about most of my thoughts and feelings to my friends rather than writing them in my blog, although i suppose that's what a blog is partly for. i guess i'm just not up for that, but some things are better written down, and those stuff will definitely find their way here. besides, i love writing. especially when the words seem to just flow like a waterfall. =)

the other thing is, i tend to really, really think about what i'm going to write in my posts. and i mean REALLY think about it. when i'm done thinking, i take a whole lot of time actually writing and then editing it so that my post won't be too long. after reading it a lot of times, only then will i post it. and in the end, what's inside my post is no longer something which really came from my heart or head, it's just a really small part of what i actually wanted to say. it's almost as if i'm writing an essay for a competition or maybe a summary instead of a personal log.

i doubt that i am a perfectionist, but i once told a friend that i never want to read my blog one day and say to myself, "oh my god, what was i thinking when i wrote that?". but of course, by not doing that, i may not remember what i was really going through during a period, or day of my life. in the end, i guess i have to make a choice. and i suppose i'm simply more comfortable doing the previous, and by doing that, i guess i just have to rely on the power of my brain to remember what i've been through in my life, although i know that my memory is not exactly very reliable. =P then again, i suppose it's okay coz i have friends like mamid who seem to remember every detail, and there are always reunions to go to and be reminded of what i've done but don't actually remember.

in conclusion, i think i'll probably just blog when i have too much free time. then again, maybe i'll change my mind later, coz blogging can be very addictive once the wheel in your head starts turning. and right now, writing another entry sounds like a lot of fun... hehe.. just kidding. maybe next time. =)

Measure This!

2006-11-22T10:07:00.000+11:00

exams are nearly over for everyone and i bet all of them are gonna be over the moon when it finally is. well, i finished mine two weeks ago but it wasn't much fun when all your friends are still studying and you have nothing to do! anyways, during the exam period, when i was a bit exhausted and my brain couldn't absorb anymore facts efficiently, my friends and i were playing around, kidding with each other to release the tension accumulated inside ourselves and we discovered some interesting things.

although we have an internationally accepted way of measuring things, i.e. we usually use units such as meters and inches and it is possible to convert one into the other, have you ever thought of how different parts of your body can be measured using another part? here are a couple of the measurements we've discovered!

- the length of our foot is the same length as the inside of our arm, from the wrist to the elbow.

- the length across our waist is the same as the length around our neck.

so, next time you're thinking of buying new shoes, you don't even have to take your shoes off. you can just measure whether the length is right by putting them on your arm! and the next time you want to buy a new pair of pants or a skirt, you can just put the waist part around your neck! i'm sure it will save you time trying them on! but of course, i wouldn't say you don't have to try them at all, coz they might not suit you well.. =P do you know of other interesting measurements like these?

Updates!

2006-11-17T11:22:00.000+11:00

it's been a month since the last time i actually updated my blog! well, in two days it will be. i've got so much to write, but i don't like my posts to be long coz i wouldn't want to read them again. and i don't expect others to want to read them, if even i don't want to. thats why i try to make them short. well, i think they are. hehe. so, i guess i'll be writing about the past month in the next few blogs. so do bear with me. =P

now, let the updates begin!

RAYA

this year was my first raya away from home. it was fun, colourful and wonderful, but i don't think it can compare to the raya celebrations with my family in malaysia. well, typical words from a student celebrating raya in a foreign country, huh? well, i guess, i'm not as unique as i want to be. haha. anyways, the first day of raya was kinda boring. it was on a weekday, anyway. i had class, and so did everyone else! well, it can't be helped, can it? but it was okay coz on the second day we had our raya celebration at malaysia hall which wasn't bad. this was my first raya celebration at malaysia hall which was held on october 24, 2006. the food was nice. we had ketupat, rendang, satay and other stuff which i can't really remember. wanna know why? coz my friends and i are camera freaks, and i think we took photos half of the night. it was sooo crazy. but i had loads of fun! but not a lot of food, though. haha. it's alright. i probably went there for the company and not so much the food, anyways.

well, there's actually more from where that came from. but they probably won't fit in this page. haha.

next, was the one organised by UMNO, of which i was part of the organising team. this was one was also held at malaysia hall (well, almost everything is done, there!). i was in charge of the presentation. it's kinda long, so you'd have to be very, very patient. haha. ermmm... okayyy. i have succesfully failed to upload the video due to a fact that i am unable to understand. does that actually make sense? well, whatever. i'll just try putting it here next time. =P well, if i can't have the video in this post, i'll just put more pictures then. hehe.

and here's one of mamid taking a picture of himself using MY camera..! how vain can you get? hehe. =P

by the way, the night before the event, i went to sheera's house to help them make some kuih raya. i think the ones i did there weren't very succesful, but the ones the others did were really nice. =)

oh yeah, later that night, i made some chocolate crispies and i'm proud to say that they were all finished as soon as the container touched the table. yeayy!!! =)

well, there were of course other raya events - one held by cafe kasturi, 'makan-makan night' held by masa, uts; 'raya begins' by msa, macquarie; and another one held by msd. i only managed to go to the one held by cafe kasturi and msd but i'm sure the others were just as fun. maybe next year i'll be able to attend all of the events. you can never have too many open houses right? that's the fun part of raya - visiting your relatives and friends. so yeah, eventhough i'm not in malaysia, the tradition remains. and with all these people around me, raya overseas is definitely almost, if not just as fun, as raya at home. =)

i know it's almost the end of syawal, but it's never to late to wish everyone,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN! =)

Strangely Familiar

2006-10-19T20:22:00.000+10:00

sometimes things hurt you, when they shouldn't. and sometimes things which should hurt you, don't.

there are some things in life which make you smile and laugh. things which will always be able to make you happy regardless of whether you're just in one of your emotional spiral or going through one of those harsh moments in life. whenever you feel as if there is no use in hoping, some things just seem to be able to lift up your spirits. and you are able to see the silver lining every cloud has. and sometimes there are people around you who makes the difficult things so much easier to go through. people you know you can always count on no matter how busy they are. no matter how many times you complain about the same thing, they will always be there to lend you a shoulder to cry on. to give you advice when they think you're wrong, but will always be there to support you regardless of what your decision is in the end.

but, wouldn't it be sad if those things which are so familiar to you, should decide to change? or the people you've put so much trust in decide that they want to leave?what if things so familiar to you become so strange? then you realise that right now everything so strange is becoming so familiar. and you learn that a friend may be a stranger and a stranger may be a friend.

at a time when you need comforting words from a friend and expect that person to offer it to you, you only receive silence in return. just when you thought you've found someone who really understands, you turn around and see no one.

Codename : Midnight Magic

2006-10-14T22:15:00.000+10:00

the operation was launched due to miss erin's luck in winning a competition organised by her university's union. one of the prizes she won was two ticket passes for the movie "step up" - a movie about a juvenile delinquent and a student of an arts school who were both trying to realise their dreams through dancing. after a number of calls and messages, it was decided that we would watch the movie at 11.45pm at Greater Union, George St. out of a bunch of people who were invited to come along and watch the movie, only 6 decided to actually watch it. it was a great movie and we were all in the mood to dance when we got out of the cinema! ok, maybe not all.. but most anyways!

however, we did not go to a club (not that we planned to anyway), instead, we went to an arcade which was located nearby and had a (or maybe a few...) go at the dancing machine. it was really, really fun!! especially when you succeed in following the beat of the music and you step on the right boxes. i wish i could say that i was the best dancer for the night, but the truth is Faisal emerged the champion! =P but nevermind, i will beat him next time!! hehe.

the operation ended with everyone thinking of what to have for sahur and the usual 'talk about life' we have with each other. =) in short, the operation was actually just another typical night out with the rest of the gang. hahaha.

conclusion, operation codenamed midnight magic was a success!! yeay!

Playing at War

2006-10-11T23:48:00.000+10:00

i went to my first play since my arrival in sydney and it was at seymour theatre, which is actually just 10 minutes away from SUV. the play was called "to the green fields beyond" and it's main theme was war.

it was a nice play but i can't say that i really enjoyed it though. part of it was because of the fact that i didn't really understand what the actors were saying coz they were talking really fast in this thick australian accent. thank god i got the hang of it in the second half. the other part was because i actually enjoy musicals more than dramatic plays like this one, which has a minimum amount of music. i love colourful broadway musicals like cats and fame, and i do hope there are gonna be some performances when i'm home in malaysia for summer. owhhh.. another production of PGL - The Musical would be great too coz i missed the first two. =( anyways, there were a few quotes in the play that i kinda liked but i can't really remember, but here are the ones that i can sort of write down.

"yesterday was the past, today is the future, tomorrow is a secret."

"we are like a drop of water in the ocean but when perceived, the drop of water and the ocean are one."

well, those are the only ones i can recall but i have my doubts on whether i actually got them right. haha. owhh.. here are pictures of the people who made the night a memorable one.

hey.. did i mention the tickets were free?? i don't really understand how he got them, but thanks to sunny for inviting us! =)

A Glass of Water

2006-10-09T00:01:00.000+10:00

there are two ways to look at a glass of water - you either see it as half full or half empty.

when you're optimistic about things, everything will tend to fall into place. because you try your best to turn dreams into a reality. you will always be enthusiastic about trying out new things. figuring out how to make things happen. finding out the solutions to a problem. being able to see the bright side of things first and working on it will eventually make something others see as impossible turn into something possible.

being pessimistic, however, doesn't help at all. you throw away the possibility of realising a dream . you question everything about something. you see the problems before the solution. and whenever you do that, you don't put all your effort into something you're doing because you don't see it as something worth working on. shattering any hope of anything ever becoming possible.

yes, i understand the need to look at possible problems that might arise when you're working on a project. but why don't you try to find solutions to them. if you can't face it, go around it. be flexible. if you think an idea is not realistic or you don't agree with it, by all means, give your comments, go ahead and critique it. but don't do that without giving new ideas or at least improving on it.

be constructive, not destructive. be progressive, not regressive.

it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. you can always cry later. yeah, you can say that being pessimistic doesn't hurt as well. but can you laugh later?

Peeking around the Corner

2006-10-06T14:31:00.000+10:00

Oh dear, how time flies!
It was peeking around the corner,
But I didn't see it pass..
Taking slow and small steps,
I used to wish it would be faster..
Now i'm running in a race,
Will i be able to come first?

Oh dear, love is such a teaser!
It was peeking around the corner,
But i didn't find it sooner..
Hiding and seeking,
Lost in this game we play..
Now i'm bouncing on a spring,
Will i be on it forever?

Nightmares

2006-10-04T12:16:00.000+10:00

i've been having these recurring nightmares for almost two years now. they don't come often, probably once or twice every three months or so. but they always have perfect timing - they come when i'm feeling really happy and content with my life. i get these nightmares when i least expect it, when i've sort of forgotten what happens in the dream. whenever i get these nightmares, i wake up with tears on my face and a feeling of helplessness. i wish it won't visit me in my sleep anymore. i wish they would be substituted with sweet dreams.

but i wonder whether they are something which keeps me in check with my feelings. to let me know whether i've been able to let go of my past. well, maybe they are coz i have to admit, each time i have these nightmares, the tears don't fall like they used to and i can feel myself getting stronger.

and yesterday, when i had the same nightmare again, there were no more tears. nonetheless, i still felt helpless in a way, coz i wasn't able to wake up as soon as i realised what was happening. but i'm glad coz at least i know i'm not taking one step forward and two steps back. at least i know i'm moving forward. and one day, these nightmares will disappear and i'm gonna get my sweet dreams. =)

Floriade@Canberra

2006-10-01T23:17:00.000+10:00

I've just arrived home after a 2 days 1 night trip at canberra. there were only 20 people going on this trip, so there were only a total of 4 cars. hmm... what can i say about canberra? well, it was nice going to the war memorial and of course the parliament, although we didn't actually get to go in (not that we wanted to..) hehe.

we also went to the high commission of malaysia, which had a relatively small representation compared to US and china, but it was fun knowing that if you did something wrong, and you went there, you can't be prosecuted under australian law coz its considered malaysian soil. haha. cool huh?

and of course, we went to floriade - the flower festival. the flowers were really pretty and colourful. but most of them were tulips and i was sort of expecting more variety of flowers. but nevermind, they were nice to look at anyway. =)

in conclusion, it was actually a not-so-interesting trip, but the company was great, so i had a wonderful time. yeay! =)

Spring Rolling at the Beach

2006-09-29T07:34:00.000+10:00

due to all the emotional turmoil i was going through, and of course the evergreen excuse of being just plain lazy, i totally forgot to write an entry on the UMNO bbq held at Coogee on Saturday, September 23, 2006. so, here goes. i, being on of the committee members was supposed to be there at 9.30 am, but of course, being the person that i am, i actually arrived at nearly 11 o'clock. wow, talk about being late! anyways, it was a good thing, there were only a few people there, so it wasn't so bad. feeling guilty, i helped out at the bbq pit straight away. i loved it except when the hot oil seemed to jump at my hands.

Members of the blue and green team! =P Beach Futsal!!

Someone's been buried, but i can't remember who the victim was. haha.

after having something to eat, i headed to the beach and joined the rest of the gang. i didn't feel like going into the water so i just hung out at the beach, which was nice as well although i think i should have gone in. hehe. nevermind, i can go there next time, or maybe to another beach! =)

by the end of the day, everyone was already tired, but we had a performance by the Sengkool Duo - Yaya and Rahman! i wish i had a picture of them but i dont. haha.. but yaya has a few in her blog! =)

then, we had ice cream at gelatissimo!! although my favourite ice cream shop is still gelatomassi which is newtown! hehe.

so yeah. that marked the end of the UMNO bbq, which was great fun! congrats to all committee members who made it a success and thanks to everyone who came. for those who missed it, don't worry, there are more to come! hehe.. =)

Giving up?

2006-09-27T03:59:00.000+10:00

i can't believe how something which started out as sounding so right could be so wrong. it was just typical of life to let me learn - again! - that i can't always get everything i want in life. not that i didn't know that fact before, but it's been a long time since i felt really disappointed about something. haha. not a big matter - actually its quite trivial, but being the emotional person i am (my friends say my moods are like an economics graph - it fluctuates a lot), it has been the center of my thoughts and a lot of times, the main topic of my speech. hehe. i even cried over it. well, it's ok. this is me. i sometimes cry over silly stuff, and sometimes i do it while laughing. hmmm... i sound a bit crazy right now. but yeah, that's what i do. hehe. i've already given up in solving the matter at hand. i figured, if you have a solution for a problem, then solve it, but if you can't, then just let it go. there's no point in dwelling on something you can't do anything about. and i did let go. the book was closed.

ironically, just when i have given up, and waiting for myself to get over it, something happened and suddenly i saw a glimmer of hope. but nah, i'm still not opening up the book that has been closed just yet. i'll review it for some time and maybe if i think it's worth reading, i'll open it and read from the first page. hopefully, this time it will be great! =)

Expect the Unexpected!

2006-09-19T21:21:00.000+10:00

when you least expect something to happen, it happens. and when it does, it can really make you smile. =)

i remember when i applied for the sime darby scholarship earlier this year (mind you, it wasn't the only one i applied for!), i didn't really expect to get through to the interview rounds, but i did. and the email came when i least expected it. the same goes for the actual scholarship offer itself. my really close friend had already got an offer before me eventhough his interview was later and by then, i had already given up and told the world that i failed. but, in the middle of my exams, just when i was least expecting it to come, i actually got the offer! i was over the moon with happiness! =)

so, what does that have to do with my life right now? well, it just occured to me that all the happy things that happened to me happens when i least expected it. when i don't think too much of it. so, i guess it's true, when people say that you should live your life one step at a time. taking things as they come. i've also heard people say that the easiest way to lose something is by wanting it too much. so, i guess we should just relax and let life take its course, right? what do you think?

p/s: erin, i borrowed your favourite quote. hehe.

Puisi Rangga (A2DC)

2006-09-18T22:33:00.000+10:00

kulari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku
kulari ke pantai kemudian teriakku
sepi… sepi.. dan sendiri aku benci
aku ingin bingar... aku mau di pasar
bosan aku dengan penat
dan enyah saja kau pekat
seperti berjelaga jika kusendiri

pecahkan saja gelasnya biar ramai
biar mengaduh sampai gaduh
ada malaikat menyulam
jaring laba laba belang di tembok keraton putih

kenapa tak goyangkan saja loncengnya
biar terdera
atau aku harus lari ke hutan
lalu ke pantai…

just something which reminds me of my days back in KYS. Ada Apa Dengan Cinta is definitely one of my favourite indonesian movies. it's probably a lot of girls' (and maybe some guys') favourite as well. Such a classic teen flick, focusing on love and friendship - typical teenage problems. if you haven't watched it, then you really should! =) my other recommendations are Ungu Violet and Vina Bilang Cinta. Eiffel, I'm in Love is probably good as well but i've never actually watched it. but seriously, nothing beats A2DC! hehehe. =)

by the way, if you want the iTunes file of this poetry read by Cinta in the movie, just message me at msn yeah. =)

Hope

2006-09-17T20:22:00.000+10:00

hope is something you can't get enough of.

everyday, there's something you hope for, whether you realise it or not. you hope you can get through the day with at least something interesting happening in your life. you hope you'll pass that exam you've been studying for. you hope you'll get to eat that delicious belgian chocolate ice cream. you hope you won't have to do any homework today. you hope you can go back this summer. you hope for everything you can possibly hope for. HOPE is something good, if you do it sparingly and over something which is attainable. sometimes, nothing is impossible. and you try to achieve it by all means. but sometimes, you have to learn how to let go.

but you ask, what if someone else gives you hope? maybe that person didn't mean to do it intentionally. maybe you are the one who's been having high hopes based on something a person said, but thought nothing of? i, for a fact do not know how to deal with that. if a person gives me hope, but never actually makes it come true, should i just keep on hoping and maybe one day it will? or should i realise that it never will, and just let go?

letting go of your hopes is really hard but i wish i knew how. when i say let go, i mean really letting go with all my heart, all the unrealised hopes i had. not just by merely saying it. but sometimes, i keep on thinking, what if i let go now, and somehow that hope is realised but i won't be able to have it then? then, i'd have a problem with 'what if'. and that's gonna be a lot more messy.

so, should i keep on hoping?

Win, Lose or Draw

2006-09-15T00:59:00.000+10:00

my frens have been telling me to run for a post in SUAMS... unfortunately, i'm not a member. i would love to be one, but i'm not even a member of USU. and from what i understand, i'd have to be a member of USU (or is it VSU now?) before i can become a member of SUAMS. am i right? i might sound a bit full of myself, but people have been telling me that i could actually win if i did run for a post, and its a big loss that i didn't. well, too bad. i probably lost the chance to become a committee member. but nevermind, eventhough, i do not have a post, i'm sure i'll be a very active non-member. hehehe. and i think being an active non-member or member is definitely better than being an inactive committee member right? maybe i'll become a member next semester and try running for a post. =)

Bad Day?

2006-09-14T00:21:00.000+10:00

its funny how a nice word from someone can make your day. it doesn't really matter what that person said, what matters is that it came straight from the heart. sometimes, you just don't realise how much what you say, or do mean to another person - be it a hug, a word of encouragement, a kiss or even just a smile. if a person has been going through a bad day, a simple gesture would be enough to make his or her spirit lighten. and when you've made someone else happy, trust me, you'll feel hapy as well. it's just a natural chain reaction. a domino effect.

when i read some of my friends' blogs these days, they're full of gloomy entries - maybe its the weather, maybe its that time of the year where everything just feels wrong. i wish i could be there when they're feeling down, but i guess sometimes, we just can't do everything.

so, here's a song by David Powter - Bad Day. this song is dedicated to all my friends. it's a really nice song to listen to - especially when you're having a bad day, and the video clip never fails to make me smile. i hope it will make them smile too. =)

here's the lyrics, in case you wanna sing along. i highly recommend it! =)

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus:
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

Chorus

Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the brink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Chorus

Had a bad day
Had a bad day

www.friendster.com

2006-09-12T01:13:00.000+10:00

friendster can be good and bad at the same time. and the fact that its so easy to get a glimpse of someone's life - just a click away - makes me do weird stuff.

the bad thing, for example, is looking at pics of someone who has been one of the main features of you life, or, if you can't do that, looking at pics of someone who has something to do with that someone who was a main feature of your life. i shouldn't have done what i did. coz eventhough i'm happy that person is happy, a small part of me wants to be in that person's life. don't get me wrong, i am happy with my life now. but sometimes, i wonder whether i'd be happier if that person was here. or i was there. haha. do i make any sense now? i don't know. maybe not.

the good thing about friendster is you get to know about what's happening in your friends life. people who really matter to you and maybe about the life of a person you're having a crush on. you get to know how the life of someone, who might be a main feature of your life, is like. all you have to do is click on the name of a mutual friend and find your way around. its really very simple. hehe. elementary. but this time i'm wondering whether i will be happy in the future. i'm sure i will be. right? at least this time i'm looking at the future, not the past. that's definitely better, dontcha think?

be it good or bad, there's always something you can do with friendster when you're bored. so, if you don't have an account, go sign up! haha. i wanted to put a pic of how the page looks like but i don't know how. so, check it out at this link. hehe. =P

www.friendster.com

Just Stuff

2006-09-10T18:20:00.000+10:00

I'm gettin annoyed with my laptop! i seriously do not know what's the problem with my internet explorer. i can't seem to get myself connected to the internet and it's driving me crazy! i can't update my blog regularly and i most importantly, i can't go to the uni's website from the comfort of my own room! and yeah, i know the university's not that far away, but i just like doing things in my room. anyways, this has been a hectic weekend. we, UMNO committee members met the High Minister of Education and he was really nice. but the best part about it was the fact that we got to eat really, really nice food! things we wouldn't be able to afford with only our scholarship allowance. haha. and i just managed to finish my part of the economics group work. yeay! looking forward to another busy and fun week! i've got my first mid-semester paper on Wednesday - ACCT1001. wish me luck! =)

For the Love of Performing

2006-09-07T10:42:00.000+10:00

It's finally over - my days as a busy superstar! haha.. it was tiring, but in the end it was a lot of fun!

Malam Gema Merdeka (MGM) was great! sure, there were some shortcomings and things we would like to improve but i think it was wonderful nonetheless. our band was lucky coz we had the support of a lot of groupies! haha.. thanx guys!

Here's a picture of us performing the medley of songs - Joe's at the back banging his drums away! =P

The Band!

Fazley said I sang OK - not much of a compliment but at least he didn't say i was bad! Hehe.. =P Thank you

This one's after it all ended.. Selamat Menyambut Hari Merdeka!

MFest made me realise that i am able to perform in front of a big crowd of strangers. being able to sing, dance and act made me realise how much i love performing - even if i was a bit nervous at the beginning and screwed up some of my lines and lyrics and dance steps! Maybe this is gonna be the start of my Superstar-dom! hahaha..!! =P

Hang Tuah(Faisal) and Gusti Putri(Me!) singing Bagaikan Sakti.. Or should it be Bagaikan Sakit? I couldn't reach the high notes!

Just hanging out after the sketch ended was fun as well.

The Teh Tarik Krew at The Tarik Kiosk!

Yeay! The end of a very, very busy month!! But i loved every single second of it. Anyone up for another round next year? i definitely am! =)

Family

2006-08-30T00:58:00.000+10:00

it is now nearly 1 o'clock in the morning and i am still at my friends' house. there are approximately 20 people here, all of which are very important to me. all of them have their strenghts and weaknesses, unique in every way, but none are closer to my heart than another. all of them have a special place, their own place in this heart of mine. everyone's busy, doing one thing or another for Malam Gema Merdeka, MGM, which is only 19 hours away. seeing them here, working with each other, even if it's just to give moral support makes me feel warm inside. some of them i've known for years, others i've only met less than a month ago. but being with them makes me happy. they make me smile every time i'm with them. i can hear laughter from some of the people outside. they're obviously very happy, we usually are. of course sometimes, we have our arguments, every friendship goes through that, that's what makes it interesting - the ups and downs. but in the end, we still have fun. whether its chatting over coffee (or hot chocolate in my case), discussing things for the next big malaysian event or just chilling like most of us are now, it feels great. i feel great. and blessed for having friends like them. eventhough i'm far from home, i know i will always have people to count on. these people are my friends. they are my family.

Retail Therapy

2006-08-25T21:35:00.000+10:00

have you ever heard that term before? i'm sure everyone have and i suppose not everyone agrees with it. but trust me, when u're feeling stressed out and just feel like chilling out, shopping is definitely one of the things that help you cool down after a day's work. if you're a guy, you probably wouldn't understand, but if you're a girl, i'm sure you'll agree with me. needless to say, i'm sure some guys will agree with me. well, you probably think shopping needs a lot of money, right? wrong! you can go shopping with only $100 or less, and you can still be very happy in the end. it's all about knowing where and what to shop. retail therapy is at its best when you buy a lot of stuff all at once. so, obviously, it's better to have a lot of cash and go shopping once in a while, rather than doing it a lot of times but buying only one thing. of course, there's nothing wrong with that, but it's less satisfying. when you go out and splurge, you just feel like the world is yours. but be warned, retail therapy is sometimes a bit addictive. like cough syrup, taking it only when you're sick is good for you, but taking it all the time is definitely not. whatever it is, save your money and spend it on something/s you want really badly at the end of the month or when you're feeling really stressed, and i assure you, you'll feel better in no time! trust me, it works. =)

warning: do not go for retail therapy at the beginning of the month or when you've just got your allowance, it will definitely cause you more stress.

Expectations

2006-08-22T21:35:00.000+10:00

have you ever had high expectations about something, only to see those expectations go crashing down? regardless of what it revolves around, i think everyone has gone through that. i guess these things happen a lot of times, and despite telling myself that i can't expect too much out of something, i still do it anyway. everytime i fall, i pick myself up and try to put myself at a the same level i was before or maybe higher, but sometimes i think i keep on slippin down. i'm not exactly being very positive right now, but i just can't help it. sometimes, just when you think things are going your way and you're starting to feel protected in your own little world, something bad happens and that wall you just started to build collapses. of course, you try building it again and again, believing that one day, it will be able to stand strong. but right now i'm wondering whether that day will really come because i think it's taking too much time to come my way. i suppose i have to be patient and just wait and see what will happen.

JustDirah

2006-08-21T19:20:00.000+10:00

my first blog entry.

obviously.

me - bubbly, almost all the time. happy-go-lucky. my friends say sometimes i'm a bit too laid back for my own good. well, maybe. but that's just how i am and i think i'll stick being that way. owh yeah, they also said that my moods are like an economic cycle - it fluctuates a lot. heh. i'm usually very casual and simple with regard to my dressing, and my thinking. of course, sometimes i love dressing up and make things complicated. but that's just to spice things up when the day gets too boring for my liking. i always try to look on the bright side of life. but sometimes, when that gets too hard, i try to polish the dull side. =P

i love making friends. and i do hope i will be able to keep all of them. it gets a bit hard as you grow older and people keep drifting apart as everyone gets too busy with things they need to do. but i do try my best. in descending order, the most important things in my life are my family, my friends, my studies and then everything else.

by the way, the reason i actually have a blog is because miss erina zahara ellias said i should join the community of bloggers. so, here's mine erin! it seems more and more people are having blogs, so yeah, why not. we'll see whether my blog will be worth reading. =)